A Neo-Conservative Guide To Winning Online Debates

  Now if you’re a red-blooded American Christian patriot like I am chances are you’ll be running into a lot of hippie-dippy-LGBT-faggot-communist-Obama-loving-anus-licking-gun-stealing-god-hating leftists on the internet. So here’s a quick step by step guide on how to deal with those heathens.

          Step one.) Make sure you avoid actually addressing the point they’re making and reduce all of your rebuttals to inaccurate one-liners. This way the liberal becomes frustrated and doesn’t know to respond. Example;

          Hippie: [Insert valid point]

          You: Communism is garbage you damn liberal pussy faggot.

          Step two.) If you’re in group chats or anything where you can send pictures make sure to send as many inaccurate memes as possible without any context or background information. This way the LGBT faggot becomes frightened as he is usually only used to seeing pictures of juicy dicks… which we hate! He hate dicks! Remember that! We’re proud American Christian conservatives and we hate big juicy tender penises.

          Step Three.) Everyone knows the best way to defeat someone in an argument is Ad-hominem, Ad-hominem, Ad-hominem. If someone brings up a good point about how lowering taxes to a flat 10% across the board will significantly increase the deficit just tell them that they’re a dirty Obama supporting pussy faggot. Example;

          Spear chucker: Dude, if you’re spending more money than you have and then you decide to take in LESS money than your debt will grow. It’s simple math.

          You: Well maybe you should quit being a fucking anus licker u damn pussy.

          Step four.) Never, and I mean NEVER fact check what you say. Ever. That, and ignore facts and blatantly as possible. Example.

          You: Lenin killed 4 million people

          Commie scum: There was a civil war and all the deaths were attributed the soviet government. That number is skewed

          You; (Remember step three) be quiet you pussy. Stalin and Lenin done killed 700,000,000,000 people… With their bare hands.

          Commie scum: …

          Step Five.) If at all possible, use race as an argument. There are the Tiny Dicks (Asians; they make our stuff), Job stealers (like Asians but with round eyes and bigger dicks), faggots (Anyone from Europe) and the spear chuckers (They sell weed and make rap music). Here’s an example of how this works.

          Queer-o-sexual: Man, the economy sure went downhill after Reagan.

          You: You’re just a god damn European pussy Gaylord faggot. This is America! Go back to Canada where you belong, European scum!

           Step six.)  Scape-goat minorities as much as possible (Especially the brown ones).

           Black guy: (Ghetto accent) yo dawg, how you doin’?

           You: Speak American or go back to Mexico you damn Muslim terrorist faggot! (Start chanting USA) USA – USA – USA – USA!

            Now you know all the steps to defeating hippie-dippy-LGBT-faggot-communist-Obama-loving-anus-licking-gun-stealing-god-hating leftists on the internet. So go out there and spread the good word of Ronald Reagan to everyone you know! 

(This was written because after many arguments with my neo-con friend i noticed trends so i wrote them down and here they are. And you can Kik my Neo-con friend @KonstantSloth)

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2 thoughts on “A Neo-Conservative Guide To Winning Online Debates

  1. Nanalan

    I love how you just blatantly take extremely small excerpts from the “Debate” (more of an organized insult match) and don’t make it a point to represent my valid criticisms in any way, lol.

    Like

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